dear / little / days

Weekends (with you)

2012-02-26T19:04:00.130+08:00

yesterday -- plants along the corridor

today -- lying on bed with qq / fun with the popcorn machine

Stay close

2012-02-25T17:28:00.003+08:00

pictures from the cruise trip during chinese new year

I finally went to collect the photos. It took me such a long time to finish up the roll and remember to bring it to the shop to develop and then collect it, haha. Though the whole process can take quite some time but I still enjoy film photography in general :-)

However, film photography is really expensive, considering that the cost of 36 photos can be around $18 (a roll of film: ~$6 and developing cost ~$12). Because of this and other factors (which I am too lazy to type), I got myself a digital camera (Fuji X100)... At long last! I am loving this camera so far -- it has all that I've been looking for! A compact camera (no fancy interchangeable lens, no zoom) with really good image quality, depth of field as well as low light control :-) I can't wait to take proper pictures with it. Till now I have only been fiddling around with it. Need to head out with it soon...!

first few shots -- fabric stickers / absolut vodka / trusty film

I am sorry for the camera because these few shots don't give justice to it! I promise I will head out with the camera soon...!

Camera talk aside, two more weeks to a short term break! I am really liking what I am doing now but I am also really excited about the break! There will be a full-day workshop on Transactional Analysis conducted on the first two days of the week. I really like TA and I am trying my best to practice it now. I hope I can learn a lot from the workshop :-) As for the rest of the week, well, I have no plans yet but I know it will be good!

Have a happy weekend, everyone!

You're not here but you're here

2012-02-23T16:57:00.003+08:00

little flowers among bush / red flowers grown by bb's dad / some place tucked in a quiet corner in town

People are interesting.

It was a fine afternoon but I missed the bus stop because I fell asleep on the bus. Luckily, I was accompanied by lots and lots of pretty flowers along the road while I walked back home. I stopped to take a picture of them because they really made me feel better.

Then I saw a middle aged lady riding on her bicycle towards my direction. She looked really curious and she seemed really baffled at my actions too. As I walked away, I looked back and found that she actually stopped by the flowers and went really close to them, still having the frown on her face. I found that really funny. Those were just flowers, I know. But I liked them, so I took a picture. The feeling she gave me was that she was trying her best to find something extraordinary, so different, which made me actually stop and capture it down.

Well, I think people these days are missing out too much on these little things, these dear little things. They are always on the lookout for something different, something new, but so many have actually forgotten to stop and appreciate what is around them.

People are interesting, really. But I wish we can all learn to be more interested. Ok I shall stop blabbering and end off with this video:

"To sin
by silence
when
they should
protest
makes
cowards
of men"

p.s. the happiest thing today is my kid telling me he has gotten full marks for his spelling! :-) I love that he is more empowered now!

Dear Cloud / Bright Lights

2012-02-17T13:50:00.000+08:00

But
I'm afraid that
empty time
is making you
drift away

please take me,
tell me your sorrow
so your world
that was kept hidden
won't crumble

please live,
endure the weight
so your world
that was kept secret
won't shatter

5 minutes before reality

2012-02-12T22:57:00.004+08:00

Please take me,
tell me your sorrow
So your world
that was kept hidden
won't crumble

Please live,
endure the weight
So your world
that was kept secret
won't shatter

Two nights ago, my friend and I talked about our dreams. Our dreams are so alike yet how we feel about them is so different. I've always been timid, and sad to say, I still am. Currently, this dream of mine is just a concept to me, something I think would be great and amazing to achieve but... it's also something I am so afraid to go all out for. When I think of it, I think of all the obstacles I would face; all the difficulties and limitations -- all the negative parts to it. On the other hand, she feels that it could be achieved. I am happy for her because she has found something that is worth working hard for. She told me that "it's possible", then I thought long and hard.

Maybe, just maybe... that isn't my dream after all? I don't see myself working hard towards it yet and I don't think I ever will. It could most probably be due to how I am -- I am fearful of risks, really. Then I thought long and hard again... this time, I know what I want in life. It has always been what I have wanted.

It was definitely a good time talking to my friend that night. Her courage and enthusiasm really inspired me. I hope both of us will be able to realise our dreams one fine day. And if things go extra well for me, I might even be able to achieve my "now-impossible" dream. Then, I would remember what we talked about, some sort of a little pact -- "breathe + imagine" :-)

Heaven is a place on earth with you

2012-02-07T09:05:00.066+08:00

they say that
the world is
built for two

Yesterday was such a good Monday. Work went well and I even got to tag along with my kids to go to the park for an after school activity.

I also got to meet bb on his off day! He drove all the way to the east to pick me up for dinner and surprised me with this wallet (for v-day) I thought I was going to get yesterday. (Our initial plan was to meet for dinner and do some shopping for my wallet...!) I still can't believe he was actually in cahoots with BOTH my sisters. I am really very thankful for him and such a thoughtful gift.

Honestly, I don't think I will ever be able to express just how much I love this boy and just how much he means to me. It's not just about the gifts he has gotten for me. It's definitely so much more... It's about every little moment we have shared, every laughter and every tear as well as every effort we've put in since 2.5 years ago. Well, maybe I could just say that he is nothing short of amazing!

Anyway I think this week is going to be great! I will be (1) meeting my girlfriends this evening for a farewell dinner for one of them who is leaving for Aussie, (2) sending her off on Thursday night, (3) attending my friend's church event this Friday night before I get to spend my weekend nights with bb :-)

AND OH! My mum was such a sweetie to buy me apples after I said I felt like having some! I like that she was so attentive to my casual remark :-) Ah, these little things in life... I am very contented.

quiet dream

2012-02-02T10:54:00.008+08:00

I want to become endlessly flowing water
And before I dry up, I hope to touch your side
This morning that brightens the dawn
I want to be the light that spreads
If only I can be with you forever in that place
Dream with me, In my heart
Dream with you, In your heart

Quiet dream
Quiet dream
I want to be a path on top of that high sea and stroll about
Quiet dream
Quiet dream
Forever in my bright dream

Under the blue sky, the whales are singing
The moonlight seems like sunlight
In that place where I can breath forever
Dream with me, In my heart
Dream with you, In your heart

지독하게

2012-01-31T18:12:00.002+08:00

Every long lost dream
led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart,
they were like northern stars

Pointing me on my way
into your loving arms

This much I know is true

I fell sick again but it's ok because I am fine now. bb was really thoughtful to send me home after I went to the polyclinic (the queue was so long that the waiting time was approximately two hours). He also bought me lunch, accompanied me and had dinner at my place.

I really appreciate him; I am so thankful for this boy. It was his day off yesterday and he could have just stayed home to have his alone time, yet he chose to keep me company. I knew he really needed a good day rest ever since the opening of Cha Yuan but he was just here with me, assuring me that /it's ok/ and he would stay with me...

Alright, now, tomorrow will be the official start of my sessions with the kids. Wish me luck!

目の前の限界をぶち破れ

2012-01-26T17:49:00.002+08:00

If it’s a big dream
that cannot be reached,
run as hard as possible
let’s kick the gloomy sight
away with your strong mind

If the big dream is torn apart,
you can start over from
the beginning,
gathering the pieces

---------------

dont be distracted
from this bursting passion
flap your wings and shine

---------------

when I realized the sun got dark
I still ran, though my feet hurt,
(never giving in)
If I rolled over ten or hundred times,
I'll rise since I'm getting closer
to the future again

---------------

Don't be afraid even if we stumbled
'Cause there will be rainbow
in the sky after rain

Do you know this feeling you can get when you listen to certain songs/singers/bands? It's this brilliant mix of hope, passion and drive; it's this sense of empowerment; it's this rush of positive emotions -- this positive outlook of life which inspires you.

People often ask me why I listen to F.T Island -- Korean/Japanese songs -- though I cannot understand either of the languages. Well, I just think they have yet to understand that music is a universal language.

I always feel that I can relate very well to F.T Island's music, especially their self-composed ones. The instrumentals and the vocals tell the stories behind their songs very well. Often enough, I can feel what I think they are trying to convey through the songs even without having to check up on the lyrics. After searching for translation, I feel even more connected to their music, especially those that talk about their dreams; about how they will keep going.

Also, F.T Island is not just about /typical flower boys/. They don't dance. They are a band, they play their instruments and write their own songs.

Their music is just so real. I can't wait for their upcoming mini album of slow tempo rock ballads :-)

"we are not perfect.
we are pure and young.
we follow freedom."

自分らしく

2012-01-25T09:49:00.000+08:00

"after you looked back
at the track
that we have been
passing through,

walk forward to the
new world again"

I am back from the cruise trip with bb and his family~ Honestly, I wouldn't go again because there was nothing much to do. However it was still a pleasant experience -- I guess the company you have on trips like these matters a whole lot :-)

Also, my mum called at night when I was in the ship's theatre watching the acrobatic show. I let it ring for quite a while before I answered the call... I was glad I picked it up before the line got cut off because though it was just a short "hello, are you enjoying over there? i just caught a movie with your dad and sister" call, it was a really heart-warming one.

t∞ infinity

2012-01-20T14:11:00.005+08:00

"no / one / is / ever / perfect / but
we / can / create / a / lifetime / of / love"

#1 -- new personal project of putting old (and uninteresting) books into use
#2 -- film photographs on the study room wall

I've just ended work for the day. I'm so thankful for this long weekend -- I will be helping out at Cha Yuan tomorrow, have reunion dinner with my family on Sunday and off I go on a cruise with bb and his family on the first and second day of Chinese New Year! I hope everyone gets a good break!

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

2012-01-19T14:24:00.002+08:00

"Having alone time allows you to re-experience being this person. You can really think about whether the things you are doing during the day are truly the things you’d like to be doing. It allows you to focus on your needs and wants without the distracting input of other people and devices. You get to think about how you are becoming (or not becoming) the person you want to be and have time to make the necessary adjustments for the next day."

I went to visit b bakery @ Bussorah Street on a fine afternoon after work last week. It was a really nice time spent with myself. The cafe was closed just after I ordered my sandwich, so I'm the only customer there. It is a nice little place with very friendly people and nice jazz music.

It was such a peaceful and happy day. I remember I was smiling all day in my heart. Everything seemed more beautiful than usual -- the trees, the sky, the buildings... Even the scorching hot sun rays were ok.

Life's little surprises

2012-01-13T09:09:00.000+08:00

"Much of the essence of beauty is
in the way it surprises you.
Life is continually renewed and
made fresh precisely
because you do not know
when the next gust of wind will arrive.

Open yourself to life’s surprises.
Though a few will bring pain,
others will bring joys
you never knew you were missing.

You are never too old to
find delight in something new
and unexpected."

-- Ralph Marston

Yesterday, after alighting the bus, I took another route home. It wasn't a conscious decision, like, I didn't plan to walk there. I just did. It has been a really long time since I last went home by that route. I remember I used to frequent it when my primary school was still at its old, old site.

As I walked, I was really glad to be greeted by pretty pots of plants that seem to be dancing in the soft breeze. The feeling was really good, so I just had to stop and take photos of them.

Oh, how I love life's little surprises.

Stay golden

2012-01-09T09:09:00.001+08:00

“I would rather be ashes than dust;

I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze
than it should be stifled by dryrot.

I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow,
than a sleepy and permanent planet.

The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I shall use my time.”

This morning, I woke up feeling energized, full of hope and excitement for what would come this week. It is going to be a busy week, with (1) new and exciting plans all lined up for work, (2) Cha Yuan's opening (I will be posting more about Cha Yuan after its grand opening!) and (3) F.T Island's concert!

I also noticed that I laugh more at work now and the colleagues in my department are happy souls too. We share, we talk and we laugh. Sometimes, we hold back a little, with the fear that it would be inappropriate but then again, no one's happy should be considered /too loud/, no? I attended a workshop recently and the speaker said this -- "Life is too short to not celebrate -- laugh, cheer and clap your hands. Just celebrate."

You can't live forever

2012-01-05T09:45:00.001+08:00

“I was within and without,
simultaneously enchanted and repelled
by the inexhaustible variety of life.”

2011 has been a year full of transitions. I graduated, got my first job as an early intervention teacher, quit and had two weeks of break before I got my current job. I travelled out of Singapore twice and had countless sleepovers.

I met new people and I learned so much from each of them. I got lost several times, but I had the support and encouragement I needed from people who matter -- my family, my bb, my girls and my friends, including Brit and Christine. I have never been so thankful for the littlest things in my life, but I learned from these lovely beings who give -- be it their love, time (moments of their lives) or just words.

I had a great year and I believe this year will be even better.

Now I will become your sky

2011-12-28T21:16:00.005+08:00

“And if I ever lose my power to fly
Then your love takes me high

I’ll always be true to you

Sometimes I think I might lose it all
Guess the chances are small

Cause you hold me close, I feel you near
Don’t let go, say you’ll always be here

So just hold me tight and I’ll be fine
Dreaming you will always be mine”

It has been a good day. I woke up to nice hot carrot cake on the dining table, the bus came on time and the meeting was short. Then, I managed to meet up with bb just before he had to head out to purchase some stuffs for his business. We even managed to grab lunch together :-) And did I mention that today is the 29th month bb and I have been together? Ha ha, little things like these make up my dear little days!

The grains of light

2011-12-27T19:59:00.004+08:00

“And so with the sunshine
and the great bursts of leaves
growing on the trees,

just as things grow in fast movies,

I had that familiar conviction
that life was beginning
over again with the summer.”

Work starts again tomorrow. Time flies..! I am excited for the new school year/job scope/challenges but honestly I am really really nervous too! I think I am not ready yet, but it's ok, I WILL BE FINE!

Dreaming the same dream

2011-12-26T01:53:00.003+08:00

Please let the words that we say
Not be an evil smell
But rather with frangrant words
Let us leave fragrant echoes

Please let all our words be ones
That plant seeds in our neighbours' hearts
To become flowers of joy
And let it become a song of peace
Little by little
Making the world a brighter place

Please do not let us speak of
Gossip and rumors that help no one
And with clean hearts
Let us hear clean words

Please let me speak of loving words
With a loving heart

Not to think of myself first,
But instead put myself in the other person's shoes
And let me speak positive words
With a positive heart
To look at my good points
Instead of the bad points

As if giving the water of sincerity
To care for just one bud of an orchid everyday
Let us clear our words
With the clean water of wisdom
That we've retrieved
From the spring of our prayer and silence

Please let us engulf ourselves
In the fragance of humbleness
Deep insïde our hearts

-- prayer /dbsk

Christmas 2011

2011-12-25T17:41:00.000+08:00

christmas breakfast

Christmas Eve was spent having lunch and doing some shopping with my lovely friend. Then dinner and movie /we bought a zoo/ with bb and his friends. I liked the movie and the idea of /20 seconds of courage/ --

All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come of it.

But it's a pity that the story in the movie differs quite a bit from the real one. Still, I enjoyed it. So today's Christmas and I woke up to bb who then went out with his siblings to get groceries for tonight's dinner. They are going to whip up a Christmas dinner for all of us! I can't wait!

I wish everyone a Merry and Blessed Christmas!

Strum, strum, strum

2011-12-22T20:56:00.000+08:00

Learn something new.

Try something different.

Convince yourself that
you have no limits.

-- Brian Tracy

It has been quite some time since I felt like I really wanted to pick up something new. I liked the feeling - it was as though I had this great amount of courage from within to just go ahead and try. So two weeks ago, I finally went to get myself a ukulele. (I wanted a guitar initially but after talking to a friend, I decided that the uke will be a better choice.) And, I am happy.

Twenty years have come and gone

2011-12-19T01:52:00.000+08:00

“There is
only one important time
and that is now.

The most important one
is always the one
you are with.

The most important thing
is to do good for
the one
who is standing
at your side.”

I. Am. Twenty! I still feel the same, twenty is but a number. This birthday, I received so much love from my family, bb and friends. There was no extravagant celebration of any kind. I just had simple meals with them. We talked and we laughed and we always love. It always feels good to come together. Oh I like how my parents dressed up a little for the dinner and my dad smiled a lot. These little things, are enough.

And I guess I have to postpone my /mission of the year/ due to the rainy season. I shall learn how to ride a bicycle by... my next birthday :p

MEMENTO VIVERE

2011-12-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

i like living.

i have sometimes been
wildly,
despairingly,
acutely miserable,
racked with sorrow,
but through it all,

i still know
quite certainly that

just to be alive is
a grand thing.

-- agatha christie

There are still eleven days more to Christmas but I've already received my Christmas gift from bb (about a month ago)! I am quite pleased with the Summer Hill collection. The fragrance is light - floral blend of summer grasses, wildflowers and orchard fruits. I am so thankful for the gift - it came so timely, just as I am about to finish my current LOVE, Chloe!

When you're happy, I'm happier

2011-12-13T23:25:00.001+08:00

the art of
being happy
lies in
the power of
extracting
happiness
from
common things

-- henry ward beecher

Last week was a restful and lovely week -- clinic for a follow up / shopping with sister -- ukulele / met up with my dear friends / lj message from a lovely friend / weekends with bb / visit to the artscience museum / dinner buffet

I am now left with two weeks before school reopens and I report back to work. I will probably spend them practicing my uke, reading and finishing up my second roll of film on my zenit 12xp.

Now, I can't wait to have a lovely breakfast with my sister tomorrow morning!

We learn as we grow / We grow as we learn

2011-12-09T00:34:00.001+08:00

instagram uploads from 29 11 11 - 02 12 11

I was feeling unwell for almost the whole of last week. I had a nasty UTI and the bacteria went up to my right kidney (kidney infection + inflammation) and then into my bloodstream.

Initially when I had this dull aching lower back pain on my right, I dismissed it and thought it was caused by a bad sleep or something. So I napped right after I reached home from work, hoping it could help. But I woke up to chills, a high fever and nausea. Then guess what, I went to Google "lower back pain with fever and nausea" and the top results were all along the line of kidney infections. So I made my way to the GP and got referred to the A&E instead. Who knew it could be so serious?!

I got discharged on my first visit after getting a blood test (the doctor had to try 5 times before getting my blood sample, ouch!)/urine culture/intravenous drip. Then apparently I didn't feel any better when I got home - fever/chills/pain - so I went back and was hospitalised for a 24-hr observation under the A&E. I don't know how to describe the experience. The doctors and nurses were very kind but they didn't smile. I could hear people whining in pain in the middle of the night. There were a few who were constantly on the phone with their family members... And one who pleaded with the doctors to let him go home.

Anyhow, I finally learnt how to swallow pills. People who know me would know that I can't do it so I always dissolve tablets and drink them. But I was embarrassed to ask the nurses to help so with that little cup of water, I was "forced" to do something I "couldn't". To my surprise, I did it! Now I swallow my pills quite effortlessly and I am completing my course of antibiotics!

It then dawned on me how people grow in forced circumstances...

p.s. It's the chilly season, keep warm and safe so we can all celebrate our last month of the year!

Indeed, it won't rain forever

2011-11-25T22:26:00.052+08:00

under my umbrella / other recent instagram uploads

Today, it rained intermittently. Today, I ran in the rain. Today, I had a nice breakfast platter. Today, I had dinner twice. Today, I had fun with bb.

And!

Today, I received my birthday present in advance from my favourite people -- my bb and three darling girlfriends -- they got me a pair of tickets to a concert.

Today,

I shed tears of joy.

What else do we need / when it's you and me

2011-11-17T16:36:00.003+08:00

zenit 12xp x kodak ultramax 400 -- test roll #2

(you're) like a star,
always in place,
shining on me

i will become
your sky
so you can
shine brilliantly

I am thankful for lazy afternoons like these - first staying in bed under the sheets with a good book in one hand and a nice cup of tea in another; then taking a break by going downstairs to walk QQ. This little fur ball is really a lot of fun to be with.

So far, November has been good to me. My younger sister turned 17, I enjoyed good food with my loved ones, I straightened my hair (and it's not paper flat) and I met up with a few old friends as well as my most reliable girlfriends.

You know, I really thank god for them, for keeping me sane.

Oh and I made a wish on 11/11/11 at 11:11am. It's the same wish I make every time I see 11:11. It sounds silly but somehow, it gives me strength and it gives me courage.

But worrying is optional

2011-10-18T08:29:00.007+08:00

zenit 12xp x effiniti 100 -- test roll #1

I read this on Facebook yesterday morning while on the train, on my way to work. Words like these have been repeated so many times. We somehow know that in order to be happy, we have to count our blessings and things like that. But when we are consciously trying to be happy, I feel we are trying too hard. The whole chunk of words was a bit too much for me to digest during the train ride but what hit me most out of all the words was this phrase - Just live it.

More often than not, I find myself asking the same damned question to myself, "Am I living life, or am I merely existing?" and questions like these suffocate me because I already know how unaccomplished I am. Then I start to get all uninspired once again. You know, this cycle? It haunts.

But well, I should just stop over worrying (to stop worrying completely is impossible for me) and stop having this mental check-list for what life "should be".

"Tell me, why has life become complicated now?"

"Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated. Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That’s why you are not happy. Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don’t suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter. Problems are purposeful roadblocks offering beneficial lessons (to) enhance mental strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.

If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight. Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.

Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.

Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.

Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.

Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don’t believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live."

I am not alone and was never alone

2011-10-03T17:13:00.008+08:00

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown,
Walk on, walk on,
With hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone

So I am finally done with my new space! It took me quite a while because I was adamant in fixing the codes on lj so that I could somehow block the advertisements. But the CSS and all got too complicated for me to want to try understanding them... So, back to blogger!

Little updates:

It's been about a month since I started my new job and I am still quite unsure if I like this. However, I still really enjoy being around with the children and I am really thankful for a few of my colleagues. I like the environment too, well, at least for now. I will just try my best to be hopeful about things and I really hope I can learn a lot here.

Putting work aside, I haven't been doing much. I haven't been exploring new places and I haven't been out taking photographs. I would say this is like yet another uninspired phase of my life. I don't particularly dislike or like it... I just feel like an adult? Waking up early in the morning and having an 8 - 5 job, going home to my family in the evening and having dinner together, then being with bb and his family during the weekends. This is like a routine but it isn't a boring one. Somehow, it gives me strength and it brings peace. It's like I know there will always be people whom I hold dear to, being with me, especially during this phase whereby I am so desperately (or not) trying to figure myself out.

Oh and the instax picture above was taken in the USS. Bb and I went back there before I started work using our (free) annual pass :-) I am looking forward to this weekend. It's a long one since Friday will be Children's Day school holiday. Then, I might be heading out to a cafe with Bb on Saturday!

That's all, I should really stop before this post gets too lengthy. Keep safe, everyone. xx

p.s. Don't worry, I will still follow your journals!